I have officially hit the pause button. As you might have noticed, I haven’t been blogging very much in the last few weeks and I realized that I needed to stop and take a breath. I have been really been taking a beating physically. Between the tumors and pancreatitis, I’ve been very sick. In addition, I’ve been a bit depressed, nothing dramatic but enough to keep me from smiling easily like I normally do. I guess it’s a combination of my physical symptoms getting to me and “mental problems” as we joke in our house. 😀 I think the mental burden of cancer is as bad or worse than the physical burden…and it’s not constant but it comes and goes in waves. Any how, I blurted out to Lisa the other night that I need to build more meaning into my life. Building meaning into life isn’t busy work. Instead, it’s work that makes you feel like you have a place in the world. So, I’m gonna put together my strategy and, I hope, put it into practice. Thing is… I’m mostly stuck at home so, that is adding to my challenge. So, going to a soup kitchen is less likely to happen.
Finding Purpose With The Blog
I have not writing as much lately because I have been reconsidering how to use the blog to build meaning in my life and at the same time “bless” others. When I first started posting most of my posts were a mix of personal thoughts and my layman’s perspective on various medical topics related to Net / Carcinoid Cancer but lately the medical posts have fallen by the wayside. To be honest, I needed to breath a bit. I think I filled my brain up! 😀 I will be finishing up the posts on B17, will wrap my PRRT experience and then I will probably start to revisit some of my earlier posts and refine them a bit where needed. I have to say, if cancer has done anything it’s made me interested in all of this amazing medicine that they give us. So, that’s my plan! 🙂
Cancer Commerce Corner
If you are not aware of it, I have started a business directory for cancer patients and their caregivers. It’s called http://www.CancerCommerceCorner.com and it’s a business directory for cancer patients and their care givers. Not everyone is comfortable with the “go fund me” type of fund-raiser and not everyone gets results either. So, I thought it would be nice for people to share their money-making efforts on the web. It’s a business directory but if you sell arts and crafts, wreaths, sewing, photography and things like that out of your home and it’s just a hobby you are welcome. It’s designed to include everyone possible. It’s not for big businesses it’s for the little person just trying to make some money. So, you won’t see hospitals, charities and such…only average people. The best part is that it’s free to list your business. It will stay that way as long as I can manage to do that. The idea is to connect us together. 🙂 I have the listings working and have a few tweaks left and we should be good to go.
I’m planning on writing a post devoted to living with cancer and family but for now, let me share with you what I’ve been thinking about. 🙂 I’m frustrated. I’m frustrated that I cannot do what other dad’s can do. Go outside, toss the ball around….wrestle…. chase David around the yard. Uh, I’m so frustrated. So, here is my plan. David is 10 and it’s true that I can’t run and tumble with him but I can do other things. He loves board games, indoor nerf blaster fights are the best, I involve him with my garden and whenever there’s a shelf to put up well….he drill the holes with my supervision. 🙂 Saturday is usually our family day but I’ve decided to find a way to do something with David every single week. Funny thing is, his homework brings us together in a way I never expected. I LOVE helping him. Lisa has her moments too. She and David are always on that piano. They fill our house with music. It’s the best.
My plan, if I were to simplify it, would be to do nothing alone and to put Lisa and David first before me. 🙂 I like that idea. Before I was sick I had a policy of never saying no to David when it came to doing fun things but now, being sick, I have modified it to never saying no as long as I am capable and it’s not the outcome of a 10 year old crazy boy’s brain. You know, we’re not adopting a horse or going to China or both. 😀 Still, to me, this makes life more fun. 🙂 We eat at places we never would’ve eaten and do things we never would’ve done because we say yes to David so much. It’s a blast. One of my favorite photographs is a result of saying yes when David wanted to go down a road we’ve never been down. 😛 We explored and I got a great photo out of it.
Church And Stuff
I love going to church but, I gotta tell ya…getting there is a whole different story! I miss going so much! So, I’m putting together a little “devotional life” for the family. 🙂 Not anything intense but something small. We were reading David’s kids bible every night but he got overloaded with homework so, he’s too tired to read it. I thought this was a good way to build our faith. You know, a little prayer and then read a little bit and then talk about it. 😀
Finally, I hope to do some work at some soup kitchens as a family or some other way where we can give and get nothing back except “treasures in heaven”. Shhhhh, you’re not supposed to tell anyone when you do though. So, you won’t read about it here. 😀 Sorry! 😀 “But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your giving may be in secret. And your Father who sees in secret will reward you.” The New Testament Book of Matthew Chapter 6 verse 3. 😀
Summing it up
The only thing I neglected to mention is “self care”. I will be trying to also eat more veggies and post more of those “cancer fighting” recipes. I will also try to spend a bit more time being creative. I’ve been thinking of carving small rocks in addition to my photography. I had a dream that I was carving netsuke and when I woke up in the middle of it I already had a plan. It was kinda weird but cool. 😀 You might see some of those soon.
I am going to focus on building meaning into life and not busy work or facebook or twitter AND I hope I can stop paying so much attention to politics! I plan to “pull inward” and build outward. 🙂