I Rang in 2020 on Pain Killers Because of Cancer.

First, let me say, HAPPY NEW YEAR! 🙂 Yes, it’s true. I Rang in 2020 on Pain Killers Because of Cancer but that won’t stop me from being hopeful, having faith in God and trying to stay positive.

My doctor left me hanging as far as strategies go. All he wanted to talk about was hospice and palliative care. Time for some emails. I will stick to my current strategy which is PRRT and when that begins to fail maybe surgery or a clinical trial??? Thank you, Dr. Liu. ❤

So, here I am. Medically, I feel alone. The cancer has spread throughout my bones. It has gone down my legs almost to my feet and is in my hips, spinal column, my neck and skull not to mention my shoulders and arms. It’s in my ribs and lungs and liver. 

I Hate Being My Own Advocate

It would be nice to get input from my oncologist but, I got here on my own any how. If I listened to him, I would already be dead. #ZebraStrong Sometimes, you just need to do what you know is the right thing and disregard the “nay sayers” and doubters and passive observers. I hate being my own advocate but it seems that with this disease nobody is interested in doing it for you.  So, I get up, dust myself off and fight on!  Now, getting up and recovering from devastating news and having less than supportive medical professionals is rough and is NEVER easy. In fact, getting up takes days and sometimes a week or two but get up. ❤  It’s your only choice. Never give up. 

I Won’t Quit

This little face makes it easy to keep fighting. This is David, my son. He’s actually 12 now! 😊 Then there’s my sweet wife ❤ How could I ever think of quitting or leaving them alone. I will fight until my “time has come”. I stay hopeful and prayerful that a cure or therapy will come that will lengthen my days. 

When I am Weak…

There is a Bible passage that I feel helps explain my life a little. It’s from the Old Testament Book of Isaiah chapter 40 verses 29-31. You can read it here.

He giveth power to the faint; and to them that have no might he increaseth strength. Even the youths shall faint and be weary, and the young men shall utterly fall: But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.

When I am broken and tired, God gives me strength. Many people don’t know that the Holy Spirit is called the “Comforter”. When you give the “kingship” of your life to Jesus, you become a new creation and the Holy Spirit comes and indwells you. He guides you, whispers truth into your soul and gives you hope…. as long as you let Him. I’ve decided to “give my cancer fight to God”. I pray that he guides my path, and my families, and that he protects us and gives us wisdom.

Staying Positive In The Dark 

So, yeah…. it’s dark….really dark… and I’m sure it’s gonna get darker. Here’s the thing. We only have 2 choices. Choice 1 is we stay positive, fight, look towards the light and keep hoping for a door to open to cure us or keep this wicked disease from spreading more. Our second choice is to give in, let the darkness rush in and cover us, smother us and take away our purpose for living. I choose option 1. 👍I choose to stay positive, smile, encourage others, keep fighting, have faith in a good God. I choose to make the most of my time with my family, to tickle my son and kiss my wife….and on some days kiss my son and tickle my wife! 🤣🤣🤣 Behave!  I wrote a blog post on faith and one on being positive. You can read the first one here and the second one here

I hope you have a great New Year,
Ed – To use my images on your blog for free – Click Here
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  1. It took three tries for me to read all of your post. But I felt it was important. When I last saw you you tried hard to”put on a happy face”for us and I love you for that but your blog is unflinchingly honest I love you and admire your heart and strength thank you for sharing ♥️♥️

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